


STOP STEALING MY DOORMATS.

by RussianSunflower3



Series: Answered ask meme answers [13]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Homemade popcorn, M/M, Please love your doormat, Protect it, a little bit of swearing, terrible puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9967139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianSunflower3/pseuds/RussianSunflower3
Summary: "So why did I have to punch that guy?"Terushima, Bokuto, and Kuroo live happily and peacefully together in a small, shabby apartment.Or at least theywould, if they didn't have to deal with a doormat thief.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fxvixen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxvixen/gifts).



The second Terushima stepped out the apartment he shared with Kuroo and Bokuto, he knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. Currently, only Kuroo was awake, reading through a book for his university course. Bokuto was still in bed, having worked the evening shift at his job.

“... Someone’s stolen our doormat.”

“What, really? Again?”

“Yup. _Again_.” Kuroo makes a sound of annoyance, dropping his head back onto the sofa. 

“That’s the third time this month. What are people even _doing_ with our doormats?” Terushima shrugs, checking around the doorframe to make sure there’s no signs of attempted entry. Their apartment building is kind of… Shifty.

“Beats me, they’re ugly as hell.” He snicker, feeling the heat from Kuroo’s glare on his back. Unsurprisingly, Kuroo had been the one to choose the _“We welcome you meowy much!”_ doormat. 

The one before that had been _“Just know, Owl be there!”_ To this day, Terushima has no idea where they find these god-awful creations. For all he knows, they could be custom made.

“I’m choosing the next one.” 

“Yuuji, if we’ve lost a total of 7 doormats, why would we buy any more?” Terushima pauses, just for a moment, before he laughs.

“Because I just thought of the best thing ever! See you when I get home!”

“Wai-! What’s your idea?!” The door slams behind Terushima before Kuroo gets an answer, and he sags on the sofa in a grump. His mood lifts when Bokuto stumbles in, sleepily clutching a pillow to his chest and rubbing his eyes. They spend the morning cuddled together on the sofa sharing sweet whispers and gentle kisses, passing the four hours until Terushima returns to the apartment. It doesn’t feel like home without all three of them. 

Of course, Terushima doesn’t enter normally.

With his usual energy and flair, the apartment door _swings_ open with a thud and Terushima shouts his return, making Bokuto screech as he falls off the sofa, Kuroo jumping over the arm thanks his unique reflexes. He pokes his head back over with a deadpan look.

“Yuuji.”

“Yep?”

“You know we love you, right?”

“Of course!”

“And you love us too?”

“Definitely!” Kuroo takes in a deep breath to calm his racing heart as Bokuto scrapes spilt popcorn back into a large bowl, frantically chanting _“Five second rule, five second rule, five second rule!”_.

“Then **stop** trying to give us heart attacks every day!!!” Terushima pouts, dropping his bag by the door and swapping his shoes over for indoor slippers.

“But babe, this is important.” 

“Popcorn is important. But look at it now.” Bokuto’s solemn, detached voice distracts them for a second, and Terushima instantly walks over to him and pulls him into a hug. He must have had a bad day, because something little like this wouldn't set him off without additional problems pushing him close and closer to being upset.

“I’m sorry, Kou… I didn’t mean it… I’ll make you some more popcorn, yeah?”

“We- We don’t have any toffee popcorn left…” He sniffles, and Terushima looks to Kuroo in distress, pleading for his help. Simple eye contact seems to fuel their thinking, because Kuroo’s eyes light up.

“We have butter and sugar.”

“I can melt some chocolate!”

“Wait, do we have white chocolate too?”

“Yeah! And brownie bites!” The two grin as Bokuto looks between them, a little confused. Terushima wriggles around on the spot to seat Bokuto back on the sofa and kisses his forehead - sloppy, wet, and silly, just the way Bokuto likes it.

“We’re gonna make you the best popcorn ever! Just sit tight, ‘kay~?” Kuroo has already vanished into the kitchen, so Terushima can only guess that he’s measuring out the ingredients.

 _‘Nerd. It’s better to just wing it!’_ Still, Terushima might be impulsive, but he knows Kuroo’s roots in the love of science means he’s  always measuring things correctly and never strays from a known recipe. He’s happy to compensate his recklessness for Kuroo’s adamant number systems.

Henceforth, until Kuroo calls him into the kitchen, he covers Bokuto’s face with little kisses, a mixture of sloppy and sappy, and delicate and loving. When Bokuto laughs quietly, a peaceful smile stretching his lips, Terushima knows he’s broken through that bad mood.

“There’s a surprise in the bag by the door if you want~.” 

“A surprise?” Instantly, Bokuto perks up.

“Yep!”

“Is it marshmallows?”

“Uh, no, but it’s just as good as marshmallows!” Bokuto scrambles over to the door and Terushima grins as he skips into the kitchen.

“Tetsu!” Kuroo doesn’t jump this time, much to his own credit, but he does accidentally put a little too much butter in the pan. With a sigh, he looks over his shoulder and raises an eyebrow. 

“Oops. Sorry, Tetsu.” He wraps his arms around Kuroo from behind and nuzzles into his collarbone with a deep breath. God, he always smells so good and it completely catches Terushima off guard. Today he has a hint of coconut, which means he ‘burrowed’ Bokuto’s conditioner. The thought that they showered together makes Terushima pout because he already missed cuddles thank to work, now he misses _shower cuddles_?! Unfair.

“Yuuuuuuji~.” He lifts his head to get bopped on the nose by a chocolate bar and takes it from Kuroo with a kiss.

“I’ll melt it!” He breaks up half the bar into a glass bowl, sticking it in for ten seconds. Whilst it melts a little, he breaks up the white chocolate bar to add to the bowl after a quick stir. 40 seconds in total sees a marble mix of melted chocolate and the popcorn is readily popped to have it poured over.

“Butter first or chocolate first?”

“Butter, obviously.” Kuroo drizzles the pan of melted butter and sugar over the popcorn, using a ladle to stir it all in and get all the popcorn covered.

“Now it’s your turn~.” Terushima cackles as he splatters the choco-mix over the popcorn like an evil scientist. Whilst he does, Kuroo breaks up a brownie by hand. He sprinkles the crumbs over once Terushima is done and their creation is complete.

“Kou! It’s done~!” Popcorn, apparently, is more important than surprises because Bokuto zips into the kitchen doorway with the wrapped gift still in hands. His eyes widen and sparkle and he makes a sound of excitement. 

“That looks like the best popcorn _ever_!!!!” Smug, Kuroo shrugs his shoulders like it was nothing.

“What do you expect? It was made by the best _boyfriends_ ever.”

“I know, and I love you!” He places the surprise down surprisingly gently as he hooks an arm around each of their shoulders and pulls them down to put big smackaroo’s on their cheeks in appreciation. He steals the popcorn bowl right from under their noses and races back into the living room to claim the sofa entirely for himself.

Kuroo picks up the surprise, eyeing it in disdain as it seems to be more plastic bag and sticky tape than what’s inside. Sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, Terushima chuckles.

“I had to wrap it _somehow_ , and, well, I worked with what was on offer.”

“Kou’ll be upset if we open it without him.”

“Go, go! Open it with him!” Terushima pushes Kuroo through to the living room, as best he can.

“Oh no, gravity is increasing on me!”

“Tetsu, no!”

“Oh yes.”

“Nooo!” Kuroo leans backward against him, heavier and heavier, until Terushima decides that’s enough and just scoops him up bridal style as Kuroo squawks in shock.

“Okay, rude. You ruined gravity.”

“I’d fight gravity for you and Kou any day.” Bokuto hears the last part as they enter, clutching at his heart playfully.

“That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.” Kuroo fakes hurt.

“Kou… I gave you _flowers_... That looked like little naked men… And you say _this_ is the most romantic thing ever.”

“How am I supposed to choose when two handsome, wonderful, and loving boyfriends are fighting for my attention?!” Terushima laughs as he drops Kuroo’s on the sofa next to Bokuto, then swipes a bit of melted chocolate off Bokuto’s lip with his thumb.

“So, you gonna open the surprise?” The popcorn is put aside as Kuroo and Bokuto tear open the plastic bag, and pull out…

“Another doormat? I thought I told you no!” Terushima smirks; seeing as they’re looking at the back of it.

“Turn it around~.” Bokuto does, and immediately gasps. Even Kuroo goes silent, though his eyes widen like he’s set them upon heaven.

“OWL definitely CATch you this time… Yuuji, Yuuji it’s beautiful. This- This is a sly dig at the doormat-thief, _and_ two cheesy puns in one.”

“You- You’re my trophy husband, Yuuji!” Bokuto tackle hugs Terushima, and although he wheezes as the air is squeezed out of him, Terushima hugs back. Bokuto’s arms are warm, safe, loving, and _meaty_. Although that last point is an added bonus. As Kuroo lays the doormat just outside their front door, Terushima grins menacingly.

The doormat thief will have not succeed again.

A week and a half of suspense and excited waiting passes.

It happens when Bokuto is at weekend training camp for the national team, Kuroo working late, and Terushima on his way back from the 24 hour shops.

His phone blips. It’s not a text or notification, but rather, an _alert_. Transferring the bags to one hand, he wrestles his phone out of his pocket and slyly grins. The app he’s opened displays a map, and a blinking red dot travelling along the inside of a building. Their _apartment_ building.

“Gotcha, you thieving little rat.” Jogging the rest of the way home, Terushima delights in seeing Kuroo dragging his feet towards the building, still in bartender uniform. The red dot on the screen moves towards the doors of the building and Terushima screeches;

“Tetsu, _slog him_!” Kuroo jolts at the interruption to his internal monologue about hating the late shift, and automatically pulls his arm back on reflex. The guy running out the building, doormat under his arm, doesn’t stand a fucking chance. Terushima physically winces as the thief hits the ground. Kuroo stares at his fist in disbelief, blinks, and then turns to Terushima, baffled.

“So why did I have to punch that guy?” 

“Because _he’s_ stealing our doormats!” Terushima grabs his collar, pulling the guy up to stare at his face.

“ _Where’s my fucking doormat?_ ” The guy whimpers and pulls the doormat out from a shoulder bag, shakily passing it to Terushima as he drops him with a satisfied smirk.

“Thank-you~.” Wrapping an arm around Kuroo’s waist, Terushima leads him inside with the doormat tucked under his arm carrying the shopping. Kuroo takes one bag and stares at Terushima whilst they’re in the elevator.

“Wait… How did you know it was him?”

“Tracking device in the doormat and app on my phone~.”

“That was pretty clever. Y’know, and _really_ fucking hot.” Terushima snickers and presses a teasing kiss to Kuroo’s neck, nipping at the skin.

“In that case, we’d better skype Kou and explain the situation~.”

“... Can we make out?”

“Nah, save it until he comes home. Then we can _spoil_ him rotten.” 

“I like the way you think, Yuuji~.” The second they get back in the apartment, they set the laptop up to talk to Kou, snuggling against each other with the doormat between them, seemingly forgotten as the three talk and blow kisses to each other, making promises for when Bokuto returns home after training camp.

All because of a freaking doormat thief.

**Author's Note:**

> What's the weirdest thing you've ever had stolen?


End file.
